Diary Of Illusion
by Kururio
Summary: This is too angst, omg. I'm sorry. ;   ;


**A young woman around the age of 17 suffered from the inevitable feeling of love, sadly. It never went how she wanted it to go, a perfect fairytale or a simply good reality. She was passionate about those she loved, and was determined that if she continued, she would get a reward out of it. But many tragic events happened, and she is no longer here. Her diary is the only thing that determines what exactly just happened in her past. What happened to her sanity along the way…**

_January 12, 2000_

It's the first time ever writing in this Diary, but it's the only way I can convey my feelings for you. I only become a parasite off of the way you treat me, but I do truly wonder that if we were together, would you ever change? Well, not that I want you to.. You're perfect the way you are. I love you, but it hurts too much to know that you're not willing to return it. But I'll try for you… And I will help you become the person you want to be. So then maybe you can think of being with me… I want to be the person who's created a big difference in your life. It just hurts so much to think about you… But I'll try my best to take care of myself. I can't let myself fall… _Even though I've already fell._

_January 18, 2000_

I feel like you've been smiling more often and that we've been talking more. I have hope that we can survive this… I just pray that no one else comes along to ruin our parade. I'm constantly paranoid of the idea, but.. Because of your frail being, I never doubt your loyalty. I love you a lot, I'll never give up on you; you mean the whole world to me. I've completely dedicated my whole being to you because I know that I can trust you. I know what trust means… And that is why I trust you with my all. You'd never betray that trust. I wouldn't ever let someone put stuff like that into my head. As long as you're here, I'm happy… As long as I can speak with you, my whole being is calm. As long as your words are honest, I will always love you and walk by your side.

_January 30, 2000_

You seem to leave earlier than normal and our talks are short.. But we talk nonetheless. You seem to be happier and content, doing things that you've never done before. Though, you've started drinking alcohol, which I dislike greatly. I keep an eye on you just to be sure you're fine. You're really like a big child though… Anyway, as you've advanced to this stage, I feel completely elated that you've come this far… It hurts to love you though. But I _love_ this pain that you give me, although it's unbearable. But I feel like its slowly murdering me and killing me. I love you a lot, I just hope you'd understand… The things we've done together; the things we've told each other… They mean the world to me. I wouldn't ever forgive anyone if they decided to ruin your happiness. I feel like I've worked hard for us. I only see us as the two people in this world that can create the ideal love. Even though you say we wouldn't make a good couple, I know we could.

_February 14, 2000_

You've left for days now and I'm not sure if you're coming back. It's been four days.. I miss you a lot… But I feel like you've left me for your own sake. _Love's a selfish thing_… But I don't want you to be selfish! I want you to do things for me! At least _stay_ with me, so I won't have to be torn apart like this. Just _leaving_ without even telling me where you've went! I hate that you've done it, you've made it seem like I'm not even here.. You just slip away whenever you can now-a-days. But it's fine… I still love you and I hope you come back with a reason why you suddenly left. I wish you were here with me… I almost feel like I want to stop breathing. _Just come back to me…_

_February 28, 2000_

…It's been weeks, and you haven't come back. I'm so worried that you've gotten hurt or something, I don't know what's happened.. Did I say something wrong? I was thinking of interrogating you… But I feel like It's too late.. I feel like I've been missing something this whole time. I'll never forget about you, I'll be the only one who's thought of your whole being in this world. I miss you. I'll hold onto you and your memory. I wish I could embrace you, hold you and just stay that way. I'll always love you… I just never knew what I would do if someone actually hurt you or took you away from me.. I know you don't love me, but there's still hope.. Even though you've tried to crush that hope, I still love you… I love you with all my heart and it's true. I've had so many things planned out for us… Don't leave.. _Come back.._

**The date seems to be very distant from each other so it tells that she hadn't wrote in it for the longest time.**

_October 18, 2000_

It's been so long since we've seen each other. After naming the brightest star after you, I always look up to it and remind myself of you; remind myself of why I loved you, what made me love you, and how I've come to do this for so long. _It hurts so much though.. _The pain in my heart is not explainable, even the tear drops that I cried for you can't explain how much I miss you. There's a knot that forms in my neck. I need you.. I _want_ you so much. I want to die with you. I want to be there to hug you, to make you smile.. _But you aren't here…_ I miss you. You're killing me here, haha, literally… Murdering me with your love like this is just horrible. It's so unbearable. But I know you'll return to me someday… I know you will. I know you won't betray my trust; it's just that something went wrong, right? … I wish you were here to answer me. You make me the happiest person, yet… You can make me like this. _Make it stop_.. _I want you. I need you. _I feel like I'm barely breathing without you… I remember all of the things you said. I won't lose faith in you, I won't become disloyal, and I will always be with you. I hoped that every night that I cried and shed tears for you, that you would feel them from where you are. I care for you so much… I just can't take it anymore… How was it possible for you to walk on without me…? It's your birthday and I wanted to give you a gift. It's a drawing of us together.. It's my first time ever drawing a picture of a couple. I'll give it to you when you come back. I love you and I _know_ I'll see you some day. Writing in this diary makes it feel like I can tell you everything. You're here with me right now, your soul and your mind, I can feel it. Please tell me you think about me too, right? I know we're connected then. Do you shed tears for me too? I can't take it anymore, this love is too much… But I love you so much. Please just come back to me. I promise that I'd make you the happiest person alive… I promise…

_December 25__th __, 2001_

The star named after you shined so brightly tonight. I loved how it sparkled just for me. The moon and the lake.. It was too beautiful. But now as I'm writing in this Diary with only a lamp beside me, the television channel only coming out as static, the dark is hauntingly silent. I'm tired but my red eyes refuse to get heavy. I've been awake for days now… I'm so worried about you… I know you want me to take care of myself, but what's the point if I can't have you…? I swear, you're not here right now.. What's the point if you're all an illusion? My eyes are seeing something no one else can see. Pure beauty that's laying right beside me and staring me right in my face. _Those dark brown eyes_.. They make me smile. Your hair, your body, your mind.. It's all too beautiful. You're a forbidden fruit, but when I reach out to you to get stronger, you disappear.. I just want to feel something that's real, not a void… I keep seeing you. I keep seeing you appear wherever I look. I almost ran to you and wanted to hug you, but you faded away like you weren't even there. Love is a terrible thing. I just stood there and hoped you'd come back. I keep seeing you… Is something wrong with me? There can't be… I love you so much, even if you are an illusion, the real you will come forward to me some day. Tonight, I will just sleep beside the you who stares at me. This makes me feel so much better… To know you're laying beside me…

December 30th , 2001

I still haven't slept. I've observed every feature of that beautiful face of yours. I want to touch you but you might disappear. I'm starving and I'm thirsty, but this is what I've ever wanted. Just to see your face and to hear you speak. I've seen your lips move but I've never even heard a sound. It hurts so much to love you. My eyes are red and it hurts to cry this much. I'm scared to move from this bed, I'm not sure whether you'll disappear or not. This house has been silent for days now. I know you're still here with me.. You are. This is you. This is real.. I want to embrace you so tightly and never let go. Maybe you're gone from this world, but how could you leave without me? I'll leave with you.. I'll show you much I love you. Just look on the walls of this bedroom after I leave this world. I hope you know that I've always loved you. I've tried my hardest and I will still be trying after I'm gone. It hurts too much, so, as this favor, let me set myself free from this pain. It hurts but I love it so much.. I'll embrace it and say my final goodbye from your grace.

**Her body was later found limp and dead while in a chair, her upper body doubled over onto the table. A 14 inch knife was found right beside her and on the floor, covered in blood that turned black. A smile that graced her lips formed while her soul slowly left her body, her eyes looked peaceful and almost as if she wasn't distressed in the first place. A paper covered in blood and tears was in front of her, along with a pen covered with her blood. The blood almost made it impossible to read the things that she wrote, but it wasn't too complex. It said something along the lines of…**

"You_ followed me all the way to the kitchen, walking beside me as you had that sad expression on your face. I was literally about to break down into tears after seeing that expression on your face. It was my first time making you sad and I never wanted to make you sad in the first place. I finally heard your voice call out my name, but it was blurry and I couldn't really understand it, but… I heard you call my name! I swear it.. I swear… It was the most elated moment in my life. My heart was tired. My eyes were tired. My body was tired. You knew that.. You wrapped your arms around me while I grabbed that knife. I saw your arms wrapped around me, but I felt nothing. "__**No..**__" I heard you trying to stop me. Tears began to cascade from my eyes. I've missed you so much but I'm in so much pain… It hurts and I want to rest with you… I wanted to hear your voice. And now I'll hear your voice when I sleep. We'll both have our names written in the stars. My tired eyes just want to close for now, but I don't really want to go.. " __**Don't go…**__" Your pleas just make it harder for me. I won't ever leave you, I promised. Sitting down and ready to go, I think I'll say goodbye to everyone I used to know. They're not here now, but… I've had a good run. But mostly of all, you are the one that I'll always love. "__**We'll finally be buried close together..**__" Those are the words I've always wanted to hear. I know we'll see each other someday… I will always be the one who loved you the most._"

**We rounded the time of her death to be around 2:50AM, December 30****th****. We found her body at January 12****th****, 1:30PM.**


End file.
